I spent the first day of January as so many do: hungover and feeling like hell. It was a cozy hangover day, I must admit, but I spent not a second of it considering my wants or intentions for the year ahead.
Then again that’s how I’ve spent most of 2016.
This was the only resolution I made last year for New Year: “Handle life with more Grace.”
I don’t feel like I achieved it. Instead, I think what I achieved was a new perspective. An ever-changing perspective, dependent on my mood.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it is to be an emotional human being in a world that has so many ups and downs, curve-balls, surprises, dents and bruises, sunshine and rain. The truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever really figure it out. I don’t think I’ll ever figure out the best ways of stumbling through life. But what I do think I’ve figured out is that:
🌑 Trying is better than not.
🌙 Constantly thriving for something new is better than not.
🌑 Trying to unfold the layers of our souls is an important step forward.
🌙 And stumbling is simply part of the process.
I don’t think I’m setting goals this year. Because I feel they either don’t get achieved or they set me up for disappointment. Instead I’m just going to keep stumbling and fumbling through this strange life.
Each year seems to pass by with less interest than the last. I have less interest in keeping track of things. Of time. Of memories. Of the good things. Of the bad things. Of what day it is. Of what month it is. Of what it is I need to be doing for myself. Motivation has slipped away from me like sand through my fingers.
It’s easy to fall into a hole. It’s even easier to stay there.
I must admit I have not been doing almost any of the things I need to be doing for myself over this last year. I think I’ve been happier(?) to simply stay idly in the state I’m in, taking in each moment as it passes. Living in the moment is one thing to be said about this year, but I’m not sure if it’s been better or worse for my well-being. On the bright side, I don’t think I dwell on things quite as much; on the downside I think I’ve been burying the things I should be dealing with into my “vault.”
Truth be told I’m feeling a little lost these days. That’s one reason, perhaps, this project began. To stumble rather openly through life in an attempt to find the ground beneath my feet again. And to share in that emotional roller coaster of being human (you’re not alone).
I’ve always enjoyed reflection, writing… I think it’s a good healing process, a good way to unlock some thoughts and perspectives and ideas I may not have brought to the surface otherwise.
But I’m rambling again.
Perhaps this is my intention for the New Year: to keep this project active in an attempt to unlock more thoughts, ideas, perspectives, and ways of healing.
My only other intentions this year are focussed on art… and more art… and even more art.
So, fellow human-beings, how are you planning on stumbling through 2017?